OK - I admit it - Call me a geek, a nerd, whatever you want but ultimately it hasn’t helped me at all. I’m a gamer, a fanatic even and so far I have lost three jobs succumbing to my addiction. I live at home with my mother and her cat and as you can imagine, she seriously disapproves of the hours that I spend in my room shooting, problem solving or just randomly wandering through worlds that are infinitely more colourful and interesting than our own.
“Its not right for a man in his twenties to be shut up all day”
“Staring at that screen will make you go blind”
OK. Whatever, but lying here now, trying to solve the ultimate puzzle is making me think that she was right.
It started with the news about the next generation games console that was scheduled to be released, albeit without any other official information from the manufacturer. That in itself was odd as in the past they gloried in pre release information about the speed, screen resolution, storage and so on and then ultimately disappointed with the actual product. Maybe they had learned their lesson and this time had decided to let the console speak for itself. The strategy had worked though as the rumour mill had cranked up to eleven and everyone was desperate to get their hands on it.
That, of course, included me but it was obvious that they would sell out on launch day and if their history was anything to go by, it would be months before they would be back in stock. Mother was visiting friends out of town and I suppose that helped me to make my decision. I would queue overnight to be one of the first to get one. I just had enough money in my bank account and the fact that it came with its own built in games meant that I could do it.
I joined the queue late in the evening and stretched my sleeping bag out on the pavement listening to the chatter of the people around me. You would expect them to be like me - ultimate gamers but a significant number were obviously there to make a quick profit. It was likely that these devices could be resold the following day at three to four times their retail value. I zoned them out and focused on the excited conversations speculating about our upcoming purchase. It turns out that they were not even close to the actual truth about what was to come.
It was a long cold night but the next morning, the sun rose and warmed the aches that I could feel throughout my body. The excitement level rose and rose and reached its pinnacle when the games store sent out its employees, dressed as characters from what we assumed to be the new release to parade up and down the queue. At 9.00 am, the bouncer on the door started to admit us, one by one, with a two minute gap between each of us. I could see the stack of boxes slowly decreasing in size as the queue in front of me got shorter and shorter. To my horror, the last box was sold to the person immediately in front of me but to my astonishment, the bouncer didn’t turn me away.
Instead, the store lights started to pulse and a fanfare of electronic trumpets played a fanfare. I was told to step forward and the store manager shook my hand and explained.
“The manufacturers anticipated that they would sell out rapidly and so they gave us a special developers edition to present free of charge to the next in line when this happened. This, sir, is your lucky day”.
To say that I was amazed would have been an understatement. I had no idea what a developers edition could do but the box itself was more sleek and funky than the ones that had been previously sold. If this reflected the difference in the console itself the I was desperate to get home to try it out. To their credit and my delight, they even provided a car to drive me home, anticipating that the disappointment and envy in the remaining people in the slowly dissipating queue might turn violent.
It was so rare that I had a new, just off the production line, gadget to unbox, I must admit that I sat in front of it for quite a number of minutes, savouring the all black inscribed packaging with its silver gothic lettering and logo. Apart from the name, there was little else there so eventually, I opened it up and placed the console on the desk. I was underwhelmed. It looked almost identical to the 3 year old console that I already owned. Its design was considered pretty much state of the art at the original time of release so I guess that the manufacturers decided to stick with a look that had won awards and was popular with the punters.
I have to admit that my expectations had dipped somewhat but I carefully unplugged my old model and replaced it with this one. My expectations dropped even further when the screen flashed up with the message -
’Software upgrade required. Press ‘Yes’ to continue’
As there wasn’t an option ’No’, I chose to continue. The next line of text didn’t surprise me.
‘Estimated time of download - 3 hrs.’
I had been awake for half the night so I closed my eyes while it got on with it. It was the atonal chime that woke me up but after rubbing my eyes for a second time, I could still see a shimmer in the air between the console and the sofa on which I had been dozing. As I watched, the shimmer formed itself into an outline then solidified itself into a holographic figure of a girl of about my age. She was rotating slowly as if waiting for my input. The controller was on the floor where I had abandoned it so I picked it up appreciating the solidity and weight that it had in comparison to previous models. I pressed the start button and waited to see what would happen.
When she spoke, her voice was deep and rich explaining that the amazing tone was because of a new, experimental system that projected the sound directly to my ears by means of a tightly focused beam of light which originated from the console front panel. It meant that I could play without disturbing my mother or the neighbours. Similarly, I could shout insults, swear whatever and my voice would be projected and then absorbed by the console. This was amazing. This was marvellous.
The final part of the setting up process required me to confirm ownership of this experimental console and to acknowledge full responsibility for its use. Actually, there was the usual 4 page end user license agreement but nobody reads them so I scrolled to the end without and simply agreed yes. I was ready to start. The avatar introduced herself as Ava and asked which game I wanted to fire up. My current go to was a first person shooter so I suggested that in order to see what had changed. OMG - It fired up in 3D holographic detail submerging me inside. I could just make out the walls of the room but otherwise, the shimmering light showed me a sharp, immersive vista of an alien landscape.
I was soon in the groove shooting at the creatures that appeared from behind the rocks before they could fire at me. My kill count was climbing until suddenly, I felt a sharp pain in my shoulder and realised that I had been shot myself. The console was so realistic that it inflicted pain when I was hit. I needed to find the level control though and turn the pain threshold down considerably. I summoned Ava and instructed her to reduce the pain level.
“I’m sorry, I can’t do that. It was an option in the license agreement but you chose to ignore it so it was disabled.”
I was about to tell her to switch off the console when I was hit again and again. The pain was agonising, reducing me to a voiceless wreck curled up on the floor. I had to do something but this way out of my experience. I felt myself slipping in and out of consciousness and the last thing that I saw and heard was Ava saying
“You are losing and close to death. Your vocal chords have been frozen. Would you like to reset?”
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